Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize