We need to rekindle our bromance
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
