Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
