Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
