Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
