ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
