i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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