I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
