I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
