well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
