I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
you never un-have a 4some
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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