We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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