And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
