What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
