I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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