my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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