She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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