The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
