I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
