Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
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