I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
