I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize