i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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