Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
