last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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