OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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