i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
