the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Hippo gnu deer
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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