I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
