I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
