Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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