i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
3pm strippers are depressing
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
