I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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