the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I could make wine with my vomit
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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