i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
