How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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