We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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