Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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