Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
