This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
ttyl tear gas
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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