The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I can't put those talents on a resume
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
