So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
