when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
