I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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