Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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