i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
