Church boner. Awkwardddd
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Drake has all the answers
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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