there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
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