I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
