The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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