The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
