Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
