So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
