You smell like a Billy Joel song
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
