and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
