A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize