That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
