She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
