It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
