The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
