We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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