Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize