She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
