apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
