Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
