fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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