we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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