So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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