Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
