i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
