their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
