don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize