There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
