she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
