i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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