You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
