I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
