just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
