I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
