Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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