The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
