D3 body, D1 cock
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize