Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
