I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
