i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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