I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
