She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
