Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
