I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
