Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
