If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
