y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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