I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
