Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
