He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
