i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
