So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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