So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
