At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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