Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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