Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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