that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
