i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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