If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Im part way to drunk.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
