well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
