My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
