I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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