She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
